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The husband is texting another woman. Husband communicates with another

01.01.2021

InnaE

Good afternoon. My problem is the following.
My husband and I have been married since 2006. Two children: 4 years and 9 months. We don't have any helpers. We take care of the children ourselves, a nanny comes to my daughter twice a week. We invited the nanny two years ago, when the question of problems in our relationship first arose. The situation is fairly standard. I began to pay less attention to my husband, he began to correspond in social networks with other girls. Although, I am sure that he did this before, even before the children and everything. Our intimate life is very bad.

We discussed this several times and he is always very annoyed about it. He says that there is nothing of the kind in this correspondence. Usual flirting. They send him intimate photos and the toilet closes and texts there. I don't see it, but I know it one hundred percent.
I really want to establish an intimate life, but I am tormented by thoughts about who he represents in my place, maybe completely different. And it takes away all my desire. I understand that I myself am to blame in many ways, because, like many others, I have become an ordinary housewife and I have neither the strength nor the time for anything. I need advice on what to do, how to get rid of this obsession that he retires with his virtual girls at any convenient moment, how to change himself and his attitude to this online connection.

In general, the answers seem to be on the surface, but a professional look is needed. In our situation, you can dig and dig. There are many problems for each of us, both for my husband and for me, and many from childhood. Thank you very much.

InnaE

Thank you very much!

InnaE

Good day, Elena. Thank you very much for answering. My husband and I are both 36 years old. IN this moment I'm on maternity leave. Before the decree, she worked as a teacher at the university since 2005 in English at the Faculty of Foreign Languages, also engaged in tutoring. She defended her dissertation. My husband has been running his own business since 2005. He provides for the family. Of course, I depend on him financially.

Why do I think so ... Well, in any problem, both are to blame, as a rule. Here, I don't even know. I know there is a problem and it needs to be addressed. And I would like to conduct a course of psychological help for myself and for him, as he has plenty of complexes and problems, despite the fact that outwardly it may not be noticeable. Many of these problems are related to his mother and her attitude towards her children in childhood and throughout life.

Our history with him began a very long time ago. We met in 1999. They dated for a long time, then got married. Together they went through their formation as individuals. I could not get pregnant for a long time, because of this, a slight distance and devastation began. My daughter was born only in 2013. Maybe we started a life together too early, didn’t walk up, so to speak. Don't know. In 2015, I learned for the first time about his correspondence, picked up the password to his phone. He always blocked it. I've had my suspicions about this for a long time. And they were confirmed. There was a conversation. He said that in the period when it was not possible to conceive, he began this communication. Moreover, he corresponded with a whole bunch of girls, but, as he claims, he had no real connections. I doubt it a little, but I am ready to forgive and forgive. Then, when I got pregnant, again, according to him, he stopped everything.

And a little later he started again, as I began to pay less attention to him. He wanted to see me beautiful and sexy, but instead he saw a housewife. Objectively, my husband and I are both quite attractive, there is a little extra weight, well, maybe 4-5 kg ​​after childbirth did not immediately go away. That is, I'm not ugly and not too fat, and so on. After my discovery, he promised that there would be no more, retired from contact. For a while it was. We took a nanny and started going out together. But then it started again. He explains this by the fact that he has so much fun and asserts himself as a man. And that there is nothing serious in this. He says that he cannot live in an atmosphere of distrust and this oppresses him. And I can no longer trust him 100%, although I would like to.

I love him, I think he loves me too. He loves children very much, helps with them and around the house when he has time. That is, as a person, he is very good. We don't have much intimacy. Often it doesn’t work, maybe the children don’t sleep, then there is no time, then there is no strength. But we both understand that we need to find such an opportunity, because without it there can be no normal healthy relationship. Here is such a mess. I would be grateful to you for leading questions, since I can’t immediately figure out what else to write.

Elena Nadeeva, I wrote the first part there without reference, so you probably didn’t see it.
There are problems with the mother. She married at 19, gave birth to him at 20. Relations with her husband did not work out. She gave birth a year later. My husband and I argued and then separated. She often beat children for no reason, she was on her nerves, as she now explains it. And he still can't forgive her. And he says that there was no love in their family. That he never felt her love. Then she married again, gave birth to a daughter and created for herself new family in which there was no place for these children from their first marriage. And he still can't forgive her. He almost always lived with his grandmother, he provides for himself almost from the 10th grade.

InnaE, I read both of your posts. You know, you sound like you're looking for an excuse for your husband. This is when a person wants to say a phrase, but skips the first part, then adds "... But ..." and then says excuses for the other. What do you really feel for your husband in this situation? What would you like to say first of all?

InnaE

It terribly infuriates and offends me, I can’t put up with it and I want him to stop it once and for all, find an interesting hobby for himself, read, go in for sports, instead of doing it. And I don't think it's normal. He asked me if I really did not correspond with anyone. No, I don't and I don't want to. I told him about it and that in my opinion, this is not normal. He said nothing.

Elena Nadeeva, I just now realized what my problem is. My problem is that I cannot speak frankly about my innermost feelings and desires. It's very hard for me to go for it. Sometimes I want to talk about something, I think, I think, and I keep silent in the end.

Tired of "illegally" reading your boyfriend's correspondence with other girls and being afraid to get caught in the most important point? Tired of hearing about “Dasha, Masha, Natasha”, do you want only you and no competitors in his life? This is a completely feasible desire, and we will tell you how to realize it so as not to quarrel with your loved one to smithereens. You will find the right approach to the guy without lowering yourself in his eyes. You will also find out why thoughts about another appear in his head, why, like Chip and Dale, he rushes to the aid of the former at the first request, and in general, is this normal and why does he decide to communicate with other ladies.

It all depends on what goal the young person is pursuing. If he is interested in a particular person (a work colleague, a mysterious girl from a dating site, or someone else), then it is no wonder that his behavior will be aggressive. Watch a man, psychologists say that he can turn into an overly caring groom or criticize, on business and without him - you look bad, you get fat, you don’t dress very fashionably.

If doubts have crept into your soul about the fidelity of your chosen one, no matter how wrong it may be, look into his mobile phone. You can read text messages, perhaps they will become proof that he is thinking about another.

Don't forget about social media(VKontakte, Facebook, classmates), it is quite possible that a man is “cheating” on you right here. Also pay attention to phone calls: who he talks to, for how long, whether he leaves at this time to another room. If the communication is long and does not take place in your presence, then you can suspect something is wrong, perhaps he is even flirting with his ex. In this case, the guy will pay less attention to you, stop making compliments and spend a lot of time with you.

If a guy does not have any hidden plans for his new interlocutor, he decided to get acquainted only for friendly relations, then he will tell you about her without any problems. In this case, there is no need to sound the alarm, because this is just a non-binding correspondence. It’s a completely different matter when it comes to virtual flirting on dating sites. Understand if a guy uses them to get acquainted with beautiful girls You can, if you look at the browser history on his computer.

Is it normal that a man continues to communicate with the former and other ladies

Why do men do it? The question is interesting, because there is no such thing as friendship between opposite sexes .... Although, if you trust your young man, you are 100% sure of him, that he will not change, will not go to another, then you can close your eyes to the communication between your boyfriend and his ex. This is especially true when they have joint child. Believe me, it is quite normal when a man keeps in touch with the mother of his son or daughter, although he may not even like it.

Now put yourself in the place of your boyfriend's ex-wife or girlfriend. Would you like him to support you as well as the one you are jealous of? Probably yes, and therefore there is nothing reprehensible in this. And even more so, you can be calm if the “competitor” has a spouse or a young man.

An important point is how your man communicates with other girls. If it's purely friendly, like with a man in a skirt, then everything is fine. But in the presence of open flirting and a clear interest in the interlocutor, as beautiful, smart and sexy attractive woman, it is worth sounding the alarm. Another tip - she should know about your existence and not have illusions about her alleged friend.

A sober view of a specialist on a man’s communication with another in this video, you will find out if this is normal from the psychological side:

If the correspondence of a man threatens your relationship, he began to spend less time with you, now he is not as attentive as before, he constantly finds fault with trifles, then this is an occasion to think about his behavior. And yes, it's not normal! It means that the man does not respect, does not appreciate you.

And finally, it would be simply a sin not to bring the ideal relationship of former lovers, and now best friends - Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, Christina Orbakaite and Vladimir Presnyakov. And it is unlikely that they are united only by joint children.

Do you want to know all the secrets of seducing men? We advise you to look free video course Alexey Chernozem "12 laws of seduction for women". You will receive a 12-step step-by-step plan on how to drive any man crazy and keep his affection for years to come.

The video course is free. To watch, go to this page, leave your e-mail and you will receive an email with a link to the video.

Why does a loved one maintain contacts on the side

If a man is looking for acquaintances in the vastness of the Runet, then the girl should be wary, because this may be a signal of the following:

  • misunderstanding young man, what he needs;
  • lack of attention to his person;
  • lack of communication with a loved one;
  • deepening in solving everyday problems;
  • lack of compliments from women;
  • desire to feel important;
  • flirting search;
  • thirst for virtual sex;
  • the desire to cause jealousy in his girlfriend;
  • You are no longer attracted to him as a woman, uninteresting.

Your relationship will not necessarily have these reasons. It may well be that your boyfriend finds it easier mutual language with girls, he spends a lot of time at the computer and generally does not see anything strange in such correspondence. If she is purely friendly, without the phrases: “You are so beautiful, do they tell you about it?”, “I would like such a girl”, etc., then relax!

Those whose guys (if they are serious, adequate) communicate with ladies in VK and other social networks, too, do not worry. Now it is quite common to find friends in various interest groups, to share your experience and knowledge. If we are talking about old contacts, with classmates, classmates, childhood friends, then this is quite acceptable. You can’t put a person on a chain and forbid him to be friends with anyone?

Those who want to limit the freedom of their husbands or boyfriends should consider how often they correspond with the opposite sex on the Internet or talk in real life(at work, fitness, etc.)? And you also need to consider that men are polygamous, unlike the fair sex. They need to acquire new connections like air, and it would be better if they are virtual or friendly than love ones (treason).

Special attention deserves communication with ex-girlfriend and especially his wife. Your loved one can do this because:

  • experienced a lot with this person, and cherishes him (does not love!);
  • they have a common child;
  • he is responsible, and does not abandon "his";
  • he feels sorry for her;
  • he hopes to restore the relationship.

And, in the end, why should he report to you? It is enough for you to know only that you are loved, appreciated, respected, and that there is nothing there but friendly relations! If in doubt, try to find out from your passion.

What to do if a man is constantly in contact with girlfriends and ex

Imagine several situations where communication takes place in real life and on the Internet. If it's the latter, here's the best way to do it:

  1. Make sure that you are really right in your suspicions.
  2. Talk peacefully with the young man, explain that his correspondence is unpleasant for you.
  3. Ask what you are doing wrong, why he prefers a virtual companion or an ex.
  4. Try to make yourself a virtual friend, pay less attention to your partner.
  5. Change your appearance - do it new haircut, buy fashionable clothes, go to the theater with your friends, and let him sit at his monitor. Sooner or later, if he loves you, such a plan will work: a man will gradually forget about correspondence.

The second plan, more insidious, is suitable if you are not afraid to humiliate yourself:

  1. Wait until the man leaves the house.
  2. Go to his accounts in social networks, check the mailboxes.
  3. If you see suspicious messages, write to the lady and “popularly” explain that her interlocutor is a decent family man, that you had a temporary quarrel, and that correspondence with her is just a distraction.
  4. Notice the traces, delete all messages and add the user to the blacklist.

If it doesn’t scare you that you can ruin your karma and the girl is too persistent, send her indecent messages from the guy's account or links to articles, videos, photos. Let her think that some "crazy" corresponded with her. Adequate lady will then block the user. This can be done both with a girl who has just appeared on the horizon, and with a former passion. But first think about whether you would like to be in their place!

Here we have given some tips in case your significant other finds you watching his messages. We told. Here you will find the right words.

It may well be that the guy began to communicate with others because he felt cold on your part. , we wrote in another article. A ? Read here how to do it better. We tried to explain why this could happen and how to be.

If he finds fellowship on the side, then the time has come. In this article, all the details: how to understand the intentions, what he feels at a distance, and more. others

What if a guy has a lot of girlfriends

Most The best way- do not be jealous of him, do not forbid him to see his friends, but take and make friends with them yourself. The better you know your opponents, the more profitable for you. And it is unlikely that your young man, after such a turn of events, will have a desire to continue communicating with beautiful maidens. He will feel uncomfortable...

Another option is to start actively shining in men's companies. It can be a job, a gym club, some kind of competition, no matter what. Ask your girlfriends from time to time to send you sms with intriguing content (how beautiful you are, etc.). Get out of the house and out of sight of the young man as often as possible. If he starts making claims, then refer to his behavior.

And the third way - if everything happens because he simply has nothing to do, load him with work and entertainment! Invite to the cinema, for a walk, start home repairs, etc.

Very practical tips can be found in this video, you can solve the problem without tantrums:

Believe me, correspondence and real communication without a hint of a relationship and the smell of flirting is not the end of the world, because he does not save photos of girls to his computer, does not admire them for hours, does not invite dates, and even more so does not offer sex! But whether this will happen in the future depends only on you, therefore, no matter how much time has passed since the beginning of your relationship, develop it and remain desirable! And, it should be noted, this is a very good motivator that will not let you relax.

Most women define “internet flirting” as communication between a man and a woman based on sexual attraction. That is, as we all understand, flirting is a kind of communication game based on the manifestation of sexual feelings. And intellectually friendly conversation of interests is clearly not included here.

Why did your husband start this double game and look for such acquaintances on the Internet, and what should you do about it? Most likely, you, like most other women, are asking the same question: “doesn’t he understand that he is hurting me ?!” Hmm, in fact, this is a rhetorical question, since not a single man, as practice has shown, has yet given an adequate answer.

Why does my husband meet online?

Here, one wonders, why don’t they, men, live quietly, calmly, next to their dove wife. And always at hand: flirt, I don’t want to! An, no, it still pulls to the side. This begs the second question, why do they do it? There can be many reasons for this. Again, the members of the forum shared with us their opinion on where the legs grow in such a situation. Here are some women's views on the current situation. Some are inclined to believe that, they say, every man is polygamous by nature. And such Internet correspondence with other girls helps him to assert himself. That is, to believe in your ability to please women, even when in a relationship (but they carefully hide this fact from their Internet girlfriends!), And thereby amuse their male pride.

Anna, 33 years old:“My husband is constantly chatting with someone on the Internet. Men are like that - they always need to assert themselves. I know there are a lot of women out there, but I don't have time to bother about it. Because a person needs to communicate not only at work and at home. And certainly not only with his wife. If he shirks somewhere after work, and then maybe .... home will come - that's strained! And so, well, let him communicate. Well, he’ll flirt a little, won’t you get his attention?”

Sasha, 24 years old:“For several years now I have been experiencing a similar situation, the frivolous virtual communication of my beloved with other women, which does not turn into physical ... The problem arises, then it is solved through experiences and a bunch of emotions, then it arises again ... In my opinion, men are so arranged that they I want to be "Don Juan" in the eyes of many women. Thus, the self-affirmation of one's own male self takes place ... "

Tanya, 34 years old:“And this is his way of entertainment. We corresponded, laughed, remembered everything. I also sometimes correspond with the former, nothing serious. It should be regarded as old acquaintances met in classmates and that's it. I don’t think that you don’t communicate with classmates (men), your husband can also think of something ... "

Lydia, 35 years old:“I am not married, I am in search. Often on the Internet I stumble upon married people who just want to be friends, but constantly “something out there” piss. I can only say one thing, they all have one common problem - unhealthy relationships in the family. Either the wife does not care, and in fact they do not live together, or they do not care about the wife, and she alone is simply not enough for them. That's

it turns out that if I want to, then all I have to do is whistle, and they would all jump with me, dropping their slippers, on a date ... "

By the way, psychologists are just inclined to believe that it is family problems that are pushing men to flirt online. Often unresolved and even undetected. Relationship experts say that if your husband is chatting with other women on the Internet, and it gives you no peace, then you should first look at your marital relationship.

Husband texts girls: how to behave?

If you caught your husband while texting another girl, don't panic! Not really, it's what you think. First, calmly ask who he is corresponding with and why. If this is his former classmate, then there is nothing wrong with what they will talk about. But if the correspondence is far from being friendly, then it is necessary to resolve the issue.

When asked why he texts with other women, men usually answer that this is just friendly communication, and he texts because he is bored at home, that he wants other sensations. It is one thing when it is a simple correspondence, a conversation about common interests, but when there is open flirting or much more serious, this must be stopped. In this case, ask if he wants a divorce (ask this question as a test for lice).

If your husband says that he is bored and wants variety, then maybe yours really is. living together very dull and boring? In most cases, this lifestyle leads to the fact that the husband communicates with other women or leads to infidelity. How to solve this issue, I wrote in the article: male and female infidelity. I can only say one thing - every day in a dressing gown to see a wife is not very romantic. Do not forget about makeup, no one argues that a girl is beautiful even without it, however, properly applied cosmetics simply emphasizes your beauty. By the way, I recommend to study the rating of cosmetics, it will help you choose a good and high-quality product.

Communicate with your husband more often, go for walks, arrange romance at home ... If all this does not help, then set an ultimatum, either he stops communicating with women, or ... - then set a condition depending on the situation.

From the point of view of psychology

Unfortunately, it is not uncommon to encounter the problem of misunderstanding between husband and wife. As a rule, there are at least two guilty in such a situation. As for the fact of treason, then I will refrain from commenting on the reason that you are talking about this on the basis of the correspondence you read, and this is not a sufficient basis for bringing any charges.

In any case, the situation is unpleasant and you need to find a way out. To begin with, you should decide on priorities: do you want to save your family and what are you willing to sacrifice for this. As a rule, accusations against the husband and his demands to give an explanation about what is happening do not lead to anything good, the result may be directly opposite to what was expected.

Why is this happening? For two main reasons: firstly, by blaming your husband, you put him in a position of defense, and since best defense- an attack, then he will easily go on the offensive, and the development of the conflict will begin; secondly, there is a risk that he will simply become cautious and will carefully hide his communication from you. This happens when the whole blow is directed at the consequence, and not at the very cause of what is happening in the family. After all, it is obvious that not overnight your husband turned into someone who communicates with might and main on the side with other women, writes to them about his feelings, etc., all this developed consistently, step by step. I am not trying to justify your husband's behavior and blame you, no, but only through your behavior can you influence him.

It is known that any phenomenon has a reason, and if you model these very reasons, you can achieve the desired behavior. Most likely there is some dissatisfaction in various areas family life. This was the reason that your husband, not receiving something in his family, began to look for it on the side. There may be dissatisfaction in affection, tenderness, attention. It is also possible that you do not discuss his problems with him, he does not share his own experiences with you and you are not his friend. Yes, just a friend, no matter how naive it may sound. It is well known that love consists of three main components: respect, friendship and intimacy.

Try to change your own model of interaction with your husband, he will begin to change in response. In conclusion, I would like to advise you not to involve third parties in solving this problem. Let it remain between you, so it will be much easier to resolve it safely than if relatives from your side or from his side are involved in its solution. An exception may be the intervention of a local Muslim scholar who would explain to your husband the inadmissibility of such behavior.

In the absence of positive dynamics, psychologists recommend contacting a family psychologist, because, apparently, such a pathology cannot be cured with improvised means. But again, this is only if this whole situation has not exhausted you completely, and you are ready to fight for your happiness further. Otherwise, this is not your person and not your story, since such a man, on a subconscious (and perhaps even quite conscious) level, is looking for a replacement for you, and, accordingly, for your family relations. So the question is, do you need this constant struggle for a person who does not care about your trust, your family and you in general? By the way, most of the forum members are in solidarity with psychologists: you need to drive such a man out of your mind if his moral principles are fundamentally at odds with yours. And, of course, there are ladies who recommend turning a blind eye to the polygamous behavior of their man and looking for all sorts of excuses for him, if only to save his family and his nerves. As they say, how many women, so many opinions. What to do, the question is really controversial. What you are ready for for the sake of the family is up to you. Well, we wish you honesty in relationships, sincere love and faithful partners!

Men's opinion

Vladislav, 44 years old

This is treason! This is worse than cheating! It is impossible to draw a line in human feelings - this is real, and this is virtual. All real! Flirting on the Internet is not just a threat to existing relationships, it is a sign that the family is collapsing, that something is wrong in it. Because emotional intimacy is more important than physical ... Yes, you can justify yourself to your wife that it's all virtual, and she may even agree with you. But deep down, she will stop believing in you and your love for her. Because she will understand - there, on the Internet, you felt good with another woman, and it doesn’t matter that there was no physical intimacy. My husband felt good with another woman - what else can I say?

Alexander Skobelev, 48 years old

But seriously, your man, if he is yours and truly loves you, HE will not cheat on you unambiguously ... And correspondence on social networks is not a reason to arrange a scene of jealousy, because, firstly, for a man who loves you, it will not go further than correspondence, and secondly, this correspondence can be associated with some kind of interest of his .. For example, photography, skiing, volleyball ... Then he was simply unlucky ... and you are jealous not of the object of correspondence, but of his very interest + you are not sure of yourself ... In a self-confident and in her man even such a question did not arise, because social networks were created for people from all over the world to communicate ...

Yakuza, 28 years old

Unpleasant of course, but there is nothing terrible here yet. Internet communication with girls is like a sexual fantasy for unfree men. And you also have a right to it. Only now it is important not to miss this line between fantasy and reality.

Stephen, 30

Flirting is essentially a signal, a person is flashing like a beacon - I am free, I am ready for another relationship, everything went wrong with my wife, I am ready to become the object of your love! And what is it, if not treason?

Igor, 40 years old

As a psychiatrist, I know for sure that at the moment when a person flirts, even on the Internet, he does not remember about his other half at all, or rather, completely forgets about it. That is, the flirting betrays her into oblivion, and hence the infidelity of words and thoughts in relation to the partner, in general, this is a betrayal. Or just plain cheating!

Victor, 32 years old

It looks like a man is bored with you, so he supplements with communication in social networks ...

Hello Vika! I saw calls and correspondence of my husband with another woman. When she told him about it, at first he denied everything, then he realized that there was no point in denying it. I put him before a choice, and he chose me and my son (12 years old).

He promised that the calls would stop, but the next day they still called back. She wrote not to look for her, to take care of her family. But I think that their communication continues, and I do not know what to do. I do not understand the meaning of their relationship: she lives in a city 200 km from us. He immediately goes home from work, does not linger, but at home he is somehow detached. Do not take the trouble to answer my modest letter: after all, I live in the countryside, and we do not have a psychologist.

Natalia

Dear Natalia! Many men go through a period of crisis, when real life seems to be passing by, and true happiness is missed. The daily routine becomes unbearable, and a person begins to look for something "genuine", deep and sincere feelings.

Often, without realizing it, men are brought to such a depressive state by their own wives. Many of our women are characterized by an indifferent, disrespectful attitude towards their spouse, underestimation of the importance of intimate relationships, neglect of their own appearance, excessive immersion in the household, in caring for children, etc. The husband with his feelings and experiences in her life is given the very last place. And if by chance one turns up that begins to tirelessly praise and exalt his virtues in every possible way, a man may not resist, even if the fan is inferior in all respects to his own wife. I know many examples when it was in this way that smart aunts managed to break seemingly unshakable marriages. A typical mistake of women who have discovered a “leftist” spouse is to put forward an ultimatum: “Choose - me or her!”, “Stop communicating with her immediately or leave!”. The choice may not be in your favor. But you don't want that! Otherwise, she would not have been vigilantly monitoring his contacts and suffering so much. It was necessary to calmly ask with whom he was corresponding and why he needed it. Most men answer that they communicate with an outsider woman just for fun. And here - without tantrums and screaming - it was necessary to convey to the consciousness of a loved one what you feel when close person acts in a similar way. That is, to lead a conversation not in the form of claims, insults and reproaches, but exclusively focusing on their experiences. Men, with external bulletproofness, as a rule, value the family. And even with a surging new feeling, they are extremely reluctant to divorce, because they avoid stressful situations. They would rather have two wives. They try to hide the fact of infidelity from the legal one for as long as possible, and for years their mistress has been brainwashed with imaginary reasons that prevent them from leaving the family.

My advice: calmly state your position to your husband, and then never again reproach him for this misconduct, do not check his correspondence and calls. Let go of the situation, and it will come to naught by itself if you behave as if this episode never occurred in your life. Be affectionate and benevolent, take an interest in men's affairs more often, try to leave at least a couple of weeks a year with him away from home. Shakes from the daily routine are needed by both of you and will only benefit.

The situation when , turns out to be more complicated than it seems at first. Usually women are tormented by a superficial question - is it considered cheating? If not, then why is it so lousy at heart? On the one hand, it is necessary to somehow stop their communication, on the other hand, how to tell your husband about it so as not to look like a jealous woman. And, thirdly, it's stupid to forbid such things - after all, the man does not seem to hide this correspondence much, and in general this has already been discussed with him many times. He's just mad that he's not doing anything wrong.

So this is a problem on a different level.

Level one. It's not about whether it's cheating or not. Probably, not everyone considers simple communication with a person of the opposite sex to be treason. The depth of the problem is that this correspondence gives only pleasant emotions. Well, a man will not continue to communicate if a woman is unpleasant to him as an interlocutor, or correspondence with her is annoying. So he likes to do it. Albeit without a second thought, just communication. But sooner or later - and more often sooner - it develops ... no, not into sympathy and a desire for betrayal. It becomes an outlet and begins to be associated only with a positive effect. There may be problems and quarrels with your wife - this is natural in marriage. But with that woman there is always only positive. This is the invisible danger at first glance. Women, by the way, feel it, even if they cannot explain it. They can listen to their girlfriends who say “forget it, it’s just like that, he doesn’t even hide it” or they can pretend to understand the husband’s explanations “She’s just my friend.” But they have doubts in their hearts. And it sucks right!

One blogger received a letter from a man. A very insightful letter, by the way. He repents of how badly and ugly he once did with his ex-girlfriend. He left her and married someone else. He asks for advice on how to ask her forgiveness and whether it is possible to somehow establish communication, because she has always been a good and interesting person. In the meantime, from the letter it turns out that he and his wife were born not very healthy child, they often swear and in general. Do you understand? For several years he did not care about his ex, but when tension arose in the family, he immediately remembered “good and interesting person". Then he will establish communication with her, will complain about his difficult life, and end up confessing how he was wrong.

Level two. Just let husband chats with other women, let it be just innocent communication, but at what time does it take place? At the time that a man could spend with his wife or children. Especially if the family is not going smoothly. And he instead spends it on correspondence with another. How can this be perceived adequately or not exacerbate the problems? In addition, while supporting a male friend, another woman, of course, often speaks not in the most pleasant way about those who give him feelings. That is, it turns out that the husband allows another woman to criticize his wife! It's out of the way at all. And there will never be formal reasons to express your dissatisfaction. “She is my friend”, “you got it all wrong”, “she just has such a style of communication”, “what is she wrong about?” What the hell?! (c) Such a style of communication?! And how is this supposed to reassure me?

See how far innocent things can go? Not to mention the existence of primitive instincts - we are imperceptibly drawn to those people with whom we feel good and pleasant. We start with a simple “How are you?” and end with leaving the family.

There is another important point to be understood. When we get married or have serious relationship, we wittingly or unwittingly have to give up some of the habits of a bachelor's life. We give up something voluntarily, something ceases to be relevant and disappears on its own. And we change something at the request of the partner. For example, when we get married, we stop going to nightclubs or end up with male friends - at least in private. It is likely that there is nothing wrong with clubs - we go there just to relax, and a man is just a childhood friend. But if the husband does not like it, we give in, realizing that for a married woman, unfortunately, it is right to take into account the opinion of her husband, if it does not reach insanity. So the husband must, in turn, leave some habits from a lonely life and listen to the requests of his wife. There is something prejudicial in his communication with other women or not, but if his wife does not like it, if she asks him to stop, if he sees that this communication damages the relationship and hurts the woman he loves, he should stop it. Even if it's just communication.