Do you want to return the relationship with your ex-boyfriend, but you are not sure that he also has such a desire? Take your time to make a decision, first you need to understand that the ex-boyfriend still loves you. Today's article will help you do this. In it, we highlighted the behavior of a man who still has feelings for you, and talked about how to correctly understand gestures. You will also find out what the one who wants to return the relationship and the girl will do. This information will not let you make a mistake and expose yourself in an ugly light.
The first obvious sign is the emotional behavior of the ex-boyfriend. A loving young man will be sad. The rupture of a love affair destroys the old world. To determine if a young person is yearning, you should consider the following:
- Communication. If a man does not want to stop him, you are dear to him at least as an interlocutor. If he writes and calls at least once a week, then he definitely cares about you.
- Meetings. After parting, the guys try to cut off contact with their beloved. If a former young man offers friendship, he is trying to return the relationship. Pay attention to meetings in the company of mutual friends, the former boyfriend will try to see each other more often.
- Social media. sad statuses and the music on its pages can speak of the acute experience of what happened.
- Overly active lifestyle. The sudden onset of an active lifestyle is a sign of the emotional turmoil caused by a breakup. After leaving, the man felt an emptiness in his soul. He tries to fill the lack of love with new impressions, emotions, forcing pleasant memories out of his consciousness.
If a person previously led a measured lifestyle, and now he has gone all out: parties, trips and entertainment - he is going through a breakup and he cares.
And remember that an ex may just want to be friends with you. It's quite normal.
Do you want to know all the ways to quickly get your loved one back after a breakup? We recommend reading free book Alexey Chernozem "How to return a loved one". You will receive a step-by-step plan on how to make him want to come back again.
The book is free. To download, go to this page, leave your e-mail and an email will be sent to the mail with a link to the pdf-file.
Gestures by which you can understand that your ex-boyfriend likes you
A man who is still in love and wants to renew the relationship will initiate physical contact in every possible way: casual or intentional touching. You can understand this by:
- hugs at a meeting;
- kisses on the cheek;
- assistance in putting on outerwear;
- an offer to submit a bag, to hold it.
In the company of friends, the guy will be near you, he will try to allegedly accidentally sit next to you. The young man can put his hand on the back of your chair, as if hugging.
A caring man can often look at a former lover, he will try to draw her gaze to himself. At a party, he will involuntarily follow: where you went, what you are doing, with whom you communicate. Subconsciously, the young man will try to determine your condition. He is interested in whether you are experiencing a breakup, whether you want to return.
What a guy does if he wants to come back
First of all, a man will try to "test the waters", make an innocent call or write an SMS. He will try to assess the chances of resuming communication. The reason will be the offer to take a walk together.
A young man who still likes his ex may offer to return the girl's thing lost in his house. If you agree to meet, soon the guy will continue to approach, inviting her for a walk. Frequent meetings will naturally lead to the resumption of love relationships.
If the reason for the breakup was a lie, use our tips on how. It also says how to save it and what not to do.
For those whose passion does not want to renew a relationship, we have collected information about. Here we have suggested 10 steps and a list of what not to do.
To read our other article. You will need to go through 5 stages, realize the problem and do a general cleaning in your head.
A good way to forget the ex -. What should you do, what should be your behavior, how to attract attention and keep it? We have all the answers!
Prepare in advance for the meeting, here's how you can. Here we answered: what is needed for this, what can be said and what should not be done.
A variant of a direct proposal to meet is possible. Such situations are extremely rare. If the breakup occurred on your initiative, the young man will not make an appointment for fear of rejection. In this case, it's time to act on your own, invite him for a cup of coffee!
This video is about how to understand if a man loves. When former signs will be almost the same:
Even if you realized that the guy still loves you, is there any point in stepping on the same rake?
I met a guy on the Internet, after we met and saw each other, on the third day after we met in person, we began to live together. Today we have been living together for 4 months. He introduced me to his parents, everything seems to be fine. I have two more children not from him, he loves my youngest daughter very much. But one moment annoys me: he tells me that I am good and he feels good with me, but he does not love me, but loves his ex-wife, whom he divorced in 2011. They were friends for 5 years and lived joint marriage one year. I know his wife, once upon a time, even before him and before meeting him, I communicated with his wife in a friendly way. They divorced very scandalously, she closed it for 15 days (she wrote a statement after a quarrel). The option that they can get together disappears, but he often tells me that she is so, let’s say, “not good”, but he loves her and wants to, but cannot forget. This makes me sad and depressing to hear. How should I react and what should I do?
Anna, Russia, 33 years old / 13.05.16
Opinions of our experts
Alyona
Anna, the answer depends on what you are counting on in this relationship and in what time interval. As for “locked up for 15 days after a quarrel”, I think you will agree that there is no smoke without fire, and our valiant policemen, based on a mere statement from my wife, will not put anyone on state grub for 15 days - this is not budgetary for the state. So, most likely, your man himself is not sugar, which you are not very aware of yet, because the term of your relationship, frankly, is not long. If you really want to squeeze something out of this relationship, then be patient and silently, without emotion, listen for now to what he says about his ex. This will pass with time. If he himself pulled you out and offered to live together, despite two children, it means that not everything is so simple in his head. Otherwise, I would prefer to meet and fool my head. But I wouldn’t count on a quick offer to go to the registry office either. On the other hand, you are already 33 years old, you have children, you, as I understand it, do not depend on him financially, he still behaves decently and does not offend your children. What do you lose if you just live and wait for developments? You have almost everything for yourself. Think of it as a trial marriage and take this experiment lightly. It won’t work out good - you will disperse without offense.
Sergey
Anna, I think you should just wait and see how the situation develops for now. I understand that I want to get married and have everything like people, but you should not rush in this matter. Four months is a very short time, and you are still only looking at each other. It is quite possible that in the near future your friend will show such sides of himself that you yourself will hand him over for 15 days and run away, or he will leave, realizing that he has overestimated his strength. Alas, this happens all the time. Especially when there are two stepchildren. So do not rush to draw global conclusions and consider yourself "married". As for the fact that he still loves his ex-wife, then this information can be ignored. Just believe that everything in this world is changing, and if you fit together, you will be able to find mutual language, learn to respect each other, then you will automatically become a couple, and the whole past will remain in the past. If you don’t fit, then the guy simply uses this excuse to leave. I believe that he is talking about this because he is trying to prepare the ground in advance, because he is not yet sure about your joint future. In general, try not to get too hopeful for now and just look for mutual understanding with your partner. And then look at the circumstances. If God grants you "grow together", then no ex-wives can no longer interfere.
- My husband and I are 26 years old. We have been married for three years, no children. I met my husband while studying at the university. Then he devoted all the time to study, did not pay attention to the girls. Later, from mutual acquaintances, I learned that he had been unrequitedly in love with a girl since school. Then it didn't matter to me as a potential young man I didn't consider it.
Then we began to cross paths more often in the classroom, to visit common companies and, accordingly, communicate more and spend time together. A month later, they started dating. He called me all the time, called me for a walk, it was clear that he was interested in me. He didn't tell me about his past relationships, and I didn't ask. I did not want to climb and once again remind. With the girl with whom he was unrequitedly in love, they talked little: a couple of times they found out how each other was doing, and that was it. When I asked who she was, he said that he was his former love, that they had not met and now they are just friends. I calmed down and did not return to this topic again.
A year later we got married and all three years lived happily. It seemed that everything was like in a fairy tale: he did not leave a single step from me, I from him. Of course, there were quarrels and grievances, but everything was quickly forgiven. And now, three years later, he seemed to have been replaced: he became more thoughtful, cold. I didn’t understand what was happening, I thought maybe there were problems at work or something was bothering him.
When I asked what happened, he either remained silent or said that I was worrying in vain and everything was fine. And, apparently, so that I would not be nervous, he immediately paid attention to me and tried to be there. I decided to give him time to sort himself out.
It's been a month and a half and nothing has changed. This began to worry me a lot. I worked myself up, I constantly thought that he wanted to leave me, in the evenings it came to hysterics. My husband saw this and tried to behave as before, but I understood that something was wrong. I was helpless and didn't know what to do.
One day we went to his birthday to the best friend. By the end of the evening everyone had drunk a lot and became more talkative. I always tried not to control my husband, calmly let go men's groups. But that time I decided to eavesdrop on their conversation.
It turned out that his first love got married and my husband was very hurt. At that moment I wanted to run away, I was angry and at the same time I was hurt and offended. I didn't throw a tantrum, I just went home. Now I don't know how to live on. It turns out that my husband never loved me. He needed another.
I didn't talk to him about this. I don't want to ruin my family, but I still love him. Now I'm at a dead end and don't know what to do.
Olga Krivitskaya, psychologist of family relations:
- Everyone was in love, only some started relationships after that, while others did not. It happens that something happens, after which a person gets stuck in a past experience. In this case, it may be a rejection that hit self-esteem.
A girl in this situation should not devalue the experience living together and these relationships. Indeed, in the end, the husband chose her as his companion, which means that she takes a place in his heart.
The main thing is for her to be more confident in herself, perhaps to offer her husband to deal with the situation that worries him, with a psychologist. So that he can leave the past in the past. After all, a lot has changed in three years, and there is no point in dragging long-overdue relationships with you.
Vasily Shevlyakov, sexologist, psychotherapist:
- Our psyche is so arranged that we always strive to complete any emotional states and experiences. If falling in love does not pass after six months (in rare cases, a year and a half), then the interaction with the person is not completed. And if it was not possible to complete them, they are postponed for the future, but do not pass. However, this does not prevent people from building new relationships. Often in a new relationship, people think that they have fallen in love with their new partner, but in the end it turns out that they just switched to another one for a while. All this is temporary, and sooner or later a person will understand this.
In this situation, the girl needs to try to be more sincere with her husband, try to convey to him about all her experiences and feelings. You also need to look for support from outside: in the parental family, friends and specialists. Specialists can help their spouse let go of past love, but at the same time, a man himself must understand what the problem is and want to get rid of it.
Alina Malina
Hello, I am 30 years old, I have been married for 3 years. I have had a lover for the last year and a half. We had a very strong love, but I could not leave my husband, take this step. The lover could not stand it, he left. I'm not proud of all this, but as it is. I am torn apart by wild and unbearable pain, I do not want to live, I see no point in the future. My husband is very good, I was lucky with him, but it does not help.
Alina Malina
Hard to say. When we first met our lover, we were both covered by this wave, from the first minute, we could not take our eyes off each other. One and a half years flew by like a blink of an eye. The physical intimacy is amazing, like no one has ever been. Beauty, I could not take my eyes off him, he is so beautiful to me, the most beautiful in the world. Smart, erudite, cheerful, very kind, caring .. You can list for a long time. I can also say a lot of good things about my husband, I’m calm with him, I trust him, I know that he will never betray me, he loves and cares for me very much. But there is no such passion, such attraction, as with a lover, and never has been.
Alina Malina
Yes, it does. I chose calmness ... Only now I will regret my choice of vidmo all my life, because I cannot exist without a lover. We have a very strong love, he still loves me too. And I just live on some kind of machine, inside there is a huge gaping wound, the pain is unbearable. I don't see the point in anything. And I feel sorry for my husband, he doesn’t know anything, he loves me very much. I feel like such a creature.
Alina Malina
Because I am deceiving my husband, he does not deserve it, he is a wonderful person, loves me very much, tries for me. I sit and cry all day or look at one point, but I can’t tell him why this is, I have to invent and say that there are problems at work and depression. And he consoles me... Oh. All day long I go to the page in the social networks of my lover, I look when he was, who he added. Yesterday I saw that he added as a friend the girl with whom he works together, I know that before meeting me he tried to meet her, but they realized that different people remained just friends. But I was very jealous and insisted on ending their communication, he added her to the black list. But at work he continued to communicate. And so, after parting with me, he immediately added her as a friend. Seeing this, I sobbed all day yesterday and am still on sedatives. I don’t want to live, I can’t imagine him with someone else, and even more so with her. It’s like I’m dying every second and I’m surprised that I’m still somehow alive.
Alina Malina
Difficult to say, vague picture. I think they would live together, go on vacation, plan life together, children ... It's hard to say how it would be
Alina Malina
Now it seems to me that he and I would never get bored with each other. I have never been able to look at anyone with such endless delight as at him, for me this is the most beautiful person I have ever met. I am his first love, he has never met anyone in his life, whom he would love, with whom he would like to live, children, life and this is true.
Alina Malina
It stops the fear that it will be worse there than with the current husband. My husband, he is somehow more reliable to him, I have 100% confidence, he will never hurt me. And a lover can, he is very emotional and can say a lot of hurtful things and do things on emotions that will hurt me very, very much. For example, get drunk or go for a walk with the girl I mentioned above, knowing perfectly well that for me it's like a sharp knife. I told him all about it, he told me that if we were together, there would be no women, booze, etc., he would be there and would never hurt me.
Alina Malina
He is a very emotional person, he lives in extremes. Can change decisions every five minutes and every time sincerely believes that this is the final and most correct solution. I simply believe that it is impossible to be alone with me in certain conditions and the other already in others. If you don’t want to hurt your loved one, but you won’t, regardless of whether he is with you or not
It seems that subconsciously you have chosen as your lover a person with whom you definitely will not get along if the opportunity presents itself. Thus, your psyche is protected from possible problems due to the search for sexual satisfaction on the side. What kind of sex do you have with your husband? Is everything alright?
“The husband loves another, but lives with me” - often on the forums you can find such a heading in which a woman asks for help with advice in a similar situation.
And how sharply sometimes we can think or speak out about this, not assuming that this can happen to everyone.
But in fact, such a development of events baffles every woman. What to do if a loved one has another?
Assessment of the situation
What should be taken away from what happened is that this is not just a betrayal in order to diversify the routine life if a man fell in love with another woman.
That is why the lawful wife should be especially careful in this case.
First of all, it is necessary to try with different eyes to consider everything that happened, to identify possible causes.
Why doesn't he leave?
What to do if the husband said that he loves another, but at the same time he is not going to leave at all?
It is worth considering the reasons why a man is usually not going to leave his family, in more detail:
- Children. If they are still small, then, of course, he will want to participate in their upbringing. But if they are big, then he may just want to avoid condemnation, remaining in their eyes the same exemplary father.
- Relatives. Women often claim that their family is considered exemplary and if it breaks up, then “what will the relatives say?”. Husbands think the same, fearing that they will be turned away from them, standing up for the protection of their lawful wife, as the most affected party.
- Convenience of life. As cynical as it may sound, it is true. At home, life is established, dinner is cooked, his wife takes care of him: ironing shirts, cleaning, washing linen. And at the same time, the husband loves another, with her he rests from work and routine. Often it is this state of affairs that a man is completely satisfied with. Is your wife ready to deal with this? Only she can answer this question.
- Material wealth. The fear of losing what has been acquired also drives men. Either he or his wife can support the family. And if everything is clear with the second case, then, you ask, why should a man be afraid for his wealth in the first case? But after all, with a divorce, he will have to part with a lot. And it happens a lot.
- Passion is not serious. Despite the confession to his wife of love for another woman, it may happen that on a subconscious level a man understands that his passion is not serious, and falling in love will soon pass. In this case, he does not want to lose his family, assuming to break the connection soon.
How to get your husband back?
If you have the strength to forgive and accept, then you should endure and try to take various ways.
At the same time, it is important to avoid quarrels, setting ultimatums, threats, demands to immediately abandon the homeowner, said in a categorical tone.
Recall the immortal painting "Love and Doves", in which a similar classic triangle is considered. What married man in a mistress attracted primarily?
Unusual character, beauty, intelligence, and precisely the dissimilarity of that other woman to a wife who is not only simple, but has also been thoroughly studied over the years of living together.
However, every man appreciates his own, native family, which means that he will return.
To this we can add statistics figures, according to which 90% of husbands again return to their legal and native wife.
But in this situation, it is you who should decide what is supposed to be done - save the family or let the husband go.
The fact that only a woman solves such issues is said not only by eminent psychologists, but also by life experience.
Assessing your chances
“He loves another” - these words do not just sound bitter, but also usually cause disappointing damage to women's pride.
Self-esteem in many cases falls sharply and hands drop by themselves. After all, in addition to work and home, the wife is responsible for taking care of the children and the husband himself, in many cases there is not enough time for herself.
But if there is still love and it is complemented by the desire to return the husband to the family, then the changes must begin with yourself.
What should be changed?
- Appearance. Cardinally. It is worth trying on a new image, dyeing your hair in a new shade, losing weight. First, of course, you need to consult with a hair stylist, or try to independently evaluate whether a new style suits you. The main rule is that in an attempt to look good, do not become too ridiculous. If a woman is aged, then it is better to emphasize elegance with outfits, appropriate care and haircut. Such an image will be luxurious. And it is better for young girls to change their style, take better care of themselves.
- Character. Yes, it is worth changing! But “breaking” oneself through force and towards accepting the situation as it is is by no means possible! On the contrary, you need to appear strong-willed, try to remove the notes of hysteria and scandalism, if any, to be more balanced.
- Find a hobby. It will allow you to take a break from the situation for a long time. Believe me, in a difficult situation, after infidelity, and even being practically on the verge of a divorce, a woman simply needs an outlet. As an activity, you can choose whatever you like. Scrapbooking, origami, embroidery, sand painting and more. Focusing on creating them, distracting from the situation, you can soon feel full of strength and rested. It is very important.
- Engage in self-development. Sign up for dances, read, go to trainings, learn languages - do everything that you once could not do due to lack of time. Reduce household worries to the maximum, and spend the freed time on yourself, walking with children, having fun with them, and taking care of yourself. Let your husband know in this way that you can all manage without him together. In addition, a long absence of a wife's home can cause jealousy even in a man who considers himself in love with another woman. After all, how can it be that his wife could please anyone else?
- The last fact follows from the previous one. Get yourself a fan. If this is unacceptable for you, then just dress in a way that other men like. Jealousy, it is worth repeating, is considered one of the most reliable ways to return the interest of a husband. He will soon be able to completely forget about the other woman, again and again trying to win his wife.
Believe me, all beneficial changes will become noticeable not only to you, and your efforts will not be in vain.
Having felt the whole taste of life and again becoming fragrant, smiling, you will again become the woman that your husband once fell in love with.
In addition to this, surround him with care, but not too visible. Cook delicious meals, give him unobtrusive and, most importantly, sincere compliments.
Finally, let him feel like a man. Not only women are able to "love with their ears."
Feeling his need, indispensability, realizing that he is needed here more than in another, alien family, he will soon be able to understand that feelings for another woman were only a momentary hobby.
Can't be pardoned
If the husband loves another, but does not leave, then for the wife such a situation is several times more painful.
Firstly, serious torment begins, the search for reasons, and secondly, the woman is in constant stress that the man is about to get bored and leave her.
It can be difficult to accept betrayal, but such a development of events in which the husband does not make the final choice is much more difficult.
In this case, the wife will know about the other woman and morally will have to accept her. Most often, this is tolerated for the sake of children, prosperity, or simply fear of condemnation of relatives.
But if there is no more love and you don’t want to accept the humiliating development of events, then there is only one way out - to quit without looking back at the opinions of outsiders.
Such a decision should be made if you only want freedom, there is no desire to endure the situation, betrayal, the attitude of a man.
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Decide everything yourself, pack your bags and put the unfaithful hubby out the door. Take care of yourself and your happiness will soon find you.
The main thing is not to get hung up on experiences for a long time. As soon as you say goodbye to the past, new events will already be ready to enter your life, filling it with new meaning.