A girl from the audience asks for a microphone and tells her story: “I have a problem in my personal life. I am not married, I have no children. There are only relationships that do not add up, but have lasted for 3.5 years.
Is this the first relationship that does not work out, - Oleg Georgievich immediately clarifies, - or was there something like that before?
It was three times.
External circumstances are clear. What are your feelings?
On this moment- sadness, melancholy, depression, disappointment from relationships. We are talking to this person different languages Everyone sees relationships from their own perspective.
And what is this difference?
My parents divorced when I was 7 years old. I was raised by my mother. I am very grateful to my parents for the fact that there was no such thing as commanding me. At young man the situation is different, his motto is: "As I said, so be it!" I am a freedom-loving person, but if a person is dear to me, I am ready to change. But when they do not listen to my desires, it is very painful for me.
That is, when he demands from you what you should be in a relationship, is it painful for you? But, nevertheless, for three and a half years you endure it. What makes you keep this relationship?
Fear, because why look for some other relationship if I have repeated problems, and every time it gets worse and worse?
That is, life itself, the Higher Power, intensifies this problem, because you do not learn some inner lesson that is in it. You said that you are a freedom-loving person and do not tolerate pressure. But it so happens that life again and again sends you relationships with a man who shows pressure towards you?
Yes. In this last relationship, the pressure has become even stronger.
Each time it came up, how did you feel?
Frustration, feeling of instability, lack of faith in the relationship.
What are you expecting?
From a man, I expect care, support, so that I can talk to him as a friend, so that they accept me for who I am, without altering.
Did you feel the same attitude from your mother?
What do they accept me? Yes.
That is, just from the mother you received it. And from your father?
You know, even after the divorce, he came to us for 13 years, talked, showed me attention.
What did you feel during this time?
Great pain since he had different women I had to get to know them. I had tantrums, I tried to reconcile them with my mother.
Did you also feel your mother's pain? When he didn’t have a relationship, did he come to his mother and tell her about these problems? That is, he kept her close to him, but did not build a deep relationship with her? Those feelings that you experience now, in your situation, there, in childhood, when did you experience them?
It's like I'm being torn apart...
And what do you feel in a relationship with a man now, and how does this remind you of what happened then?
There is no stability and faith that it is possible to build a family. There is a fear that he can change at any moment. At the age of 19, I had a quarrel with my parents, I rejected all the advice they gave me.
In essence, you rejected your parents as authorities in family life. - My father found suitors for me, but I said that I didn’t need to impose anyone, that I myself would choose. And he said that since I do not want to listen to him, then we will stop talking. I am sorry that he could not accept me for who I am. - He rejected you for your mistakes as a person?
It turns out so.
Oleg Georgievich sums up and draws important conclusions from the described situation: “So, Marina told us that in relationships with men she experiences the same emotion over and over again. She waits to be accepted for who she is, and again and again they don't. And we found that there is a primary emotion - this is the expectation from the father that he would accept the daughter for who she is. There are certain situations in which these primary problematic feelings arose.
There is something that you hide from yourself, close from them, because they are painful. I don’t want to look at these situations, I don’t want to be aware of them. We, as a holistic person, have needs, basic, natural, primordial desires. For example, receiving love from mother and father and giving love to them. There are various other needs.
Many psychological problems arise when you, having some basic needs, due to experiences, failures, pain, at some point forbid yourself to feel them. In a sense, this is natural, because when you manifest them and do not find a response, you experience pain again and again. The extrusion mechanism is activated.
You forbade yourself basic feelings, but they are there, a person cannot live without them. So they start looking for workarounds. They go to other areas. Then we observe problematic situations where you again and again want to get what you have forbidden yourself. Rejected need again and again manifests itself. You need to accept in yourself the right to receive the love of your father, for example.
Only in the case of deep inner work can complex situations on the outer plane be resolved.
Video version of the training" Scenarios of Life " .
An excerpt from the materials of the transcribed version of Oleg Gadetsky's seminar "Life Scenarios". (The author of the article is Larisa Kokstova)
If a person in contact has a marital status, EVERYTHING is DIFFICULT. how to understand. how to figure it out and got the best answer
Answer from Cnech[guru]
entangled in himself.
does not know how the other half relates to him.
yes, anything can be implied.
Answer from Natasha Drakshnia[newbie]
Which means they are most likely partners. And not sure if their relationship is strong enough to start a family.
Answer from Vera Kaikova[newbie]
Thanks everyone
Answer from Lexa kimonko[newbie]
infuriates when at 12 summer girl everything is difficult it is difficult to assemble a portfolio
Answer from Lika Vinogradova[guru]
This means that there are problems in his relationship now, and these problems call into question the existence of the relationship. on the one hand, at such a moment it is quite easy to establish “contact” with a person, since he can be disposed towards him at least to spite his partner. but on the other hand, it is "dangerous", since a large percentage of couples still put up and you will remain out of work, plus you will feel used. oh yes, you will also find an enemy in the face of his second half
Answer from Tolerance[guru]
The options are different, for example, if there is a relationship between friendship and the couple itself, if there are several girls so as not to burn, or if there is no one, but they don’t want someone to be added, and if they write “free”, then they start writing with the goal of getting to know each other.
Answer from barbarian[guru]
means married
Answer from 3 answers[guru]
Hello! Here is a selection of topics with answers to your question: If a person in contact has marital status EVERYTHING IS COMPLICATED. how to understand. how to understand it
Not chosen.
Well, when a man does not know that a woman has anything to do with him ... But when a woman herself cannot understand with whom she is sleeping, “friends”, dating, engaged or getting married - this is too much. Angelic creatures, decide soon! Don't fool other people's heads!
It happens that you, dear girls, do not want other people to know something about your personal life. And you do it for two main reasons. Or you don't want your lovers to realize that they are not the only ones in your life. Or you are so self-confident that you simply do not care what your girlfriends think about your marital status. You don't care what happens in your girlfriends' private lives, do you? Your friends don't care about you just like you don't care about them.
Married/Unmarried. Married/Unmarried.
The most fun begins when some Manechka Goddess Sweet turns out to be married to a Purely Concrete Boy in the District. You look at their pages and understand that they are both in the eighth grade of your former school, that is, they are no more than 14 years old.
I love bikers. And I don't hide it. And bikers love their iron horses. Moreover, they often love them to such an extent that you open the page and there Alexey Frolov is married to a Honda CBR 600 RR. Moreover, the bikers choose the gender of the motorcycle themselves ... And his unfortunate girlfriend leaves graffiti on his wall: “I love you, Pupsik. Call me". Then you open the Honda CBR 600 RR page, and in her activity it says: “I want to ride!” or "I love my husband." And on the wall of the "iron lady" comments are from other bikers: "Baby, you are gorgeous, I dream of you." And you will not see such comments on the page of a real biker girl.
But seriously, “single” is the same as in “active search”, because in this case the girl does not indicate in any way whether she has a boyfriend. And other men consider her free. Either the girl’s marital status is “not married”, although “there is a friend”, but “everything is difficult” with him, therefore “not married”.
There is a friend / There is a girlfriend.
Men, do you have sex with your girlfriend? If yes, then she is not your friend. She is either your mistress or your girlfriend. But not just a friend. Don't sleep with friends. No, of course, it happens, friendly group sex happens, but everyone knows their place in it. And if she is just a friend for you, then she can start having sex with another man at any time. By contact. Or in real life.
Are you having sex with someone else besides your "girlfriend"? If your answer is “no”, then it is more correct to put Anton Kotik Simple meets with Glafira Bitch Krashena. And if “yes”, then why bet that you have a girlfriend? For each of your many "girlfriends" to think that your marital status is about her?
Meets with…
Everything is clear here. It became so boring right away ... It makes you yawn, right?
Engaged/Engaged.
When two straight girls get engaged to each other, it makes men think a lot...
It's Complicated. Everything is difficult with...
Men love this formulation much more than women. What is so complicated going on in their head that they have not been able to choose anything from all previous marital situations?
Dear girls, if your boyfriend puts on VKontakte that “everything is difficult” for him or everything is difficult with you, don’t worry! You should not be worried about his marital status at all. Let him write what he wants. If you are beautiful, smart, sexy, he should be concerned about your marital status. Select "not selected" - let your lovers never know about each other's existence! Write that you are “single”: on the one hand, this is true if you are not officially married, on the other hand, let other men think that you are not dating anyone. Put "I have a friend" - let him guess who your friend is? Maybe you are “friends” with all the men on VKontakte. Friendship is great. Choose what you are engaged to best friend- let him know that she is better and more important for you than he is. And finally, put "actively searching" - let him know that you have a choice. You deserve better. You choose. Competition is good for men. The strongest wins. And best of all, put that you are dating, engaged or married to a Yamaha YZF-R6 - let him envy you.
Actively looking.
This item is chosen either by very self-confident girls who understand that a man, regardless of his marital status, having seen this status, will want to get to know them. Or shy, who for some reason cannot find a mate in real life.
But the most interesting thing is when a girl’s marital status is “not married”, although “there is a friend”, but with him “everything is so complicated” that she is “actively searching”. And the “friend” has everything so complicated in his head that he doesn’t even mind that she is “actively searching.”
When two loving person they begin to quarrel, sort things out or part, then their marital status on VKontakte with a difference of no more than half an hour in the contact news undergoes all possible changes. It looks something like this:
"The Fairy Prince is engaged to the Fairy Princess."
"The Fairy Prince meets the Fairy Princess."
"The Fairy Prince has a girlfriend."
"Fairy Prince doesn't have marital status selected."
"The Fairy Prince is married to a Honda CB 400."
And then again, "The Fairy Prince Meets the Fairy Princess."
And so on ad infinitum.
And most importantly, everyone is so worried, worried when they read this in the news ...
What does the status "actively searching" mean? Why does one person indicate in his marital status the one with whom he is engaged, and that person has an empty column in this column? It's time to find out these and many other interesting reasons for the virtual behavior of homo sapiens.
Statuses and quotes on social networks sometimes characterize us much more reliably than it might seem at first glance. “In active search”, as we understand it, this is a very bright status. It expresses not only the literal meaning, but also the desire to attract attention. This is an attempt to raise your self-esteem. This status expresses the desire to feel one's "need" in a virtual environment. Also, the status of “actively searching” is often chosen as an anesthetic for a mental wound received during a recent dramatic breakup.
There is also a category “in passive search”, but on social networks it looks like “single” or “single”. Of course, this reflects, first of all, the legal, real status of a person, but the emotional background (or the quality of the relationship) that is hidden behind this simple phrase cannot be ignored by a psychologist. Definitely, "single" and "single" is one of the most interesting categories among marital statuses. For example, a girl meets a guy, but is not yet married. She reports that she is free, but in reality, as we understand, this is not so.
It happens the other way around. A young woman does not live with her husband, say, because of a desperate lack of understanding, but does not dare to change her status as “married”. The chances of meeting a more worthy alternative for creating family well-being are consciously lowered by it. Life is really complicated.
And what does it mean when he is “married”, and she has an empty column in this column? If this circumstance corresponds to the legal situation, then, you see, this is much more serious than “dating” or “having a girlfriend.” The man is very pleased and ready to shine with this status to the whole world, but it seems that his lady does not share such jubilation. Why? The dominant in the family is in clawed hands with bright red manicure, and the woman is not proud, does not value the man she is married to. And he, the one to whom you can sympathize, is happy that he has such a cool wife. At best, she doesn't share his love of social media, although this is a feeble attempt to explain the phenomenon.
He writes "dating", she writes "single". He shines, and she is in a passive search. But when two young people have the mutual status of "married" and "married", and they are not yet legally registered, then perhaps they will start a family, yes, such a development of events has a very high percentage of probability. But if this status abruptly disappears or makes an attempt to turn into a “meeting”, then, most likely, castles in the air have come to an end, this is an alarm signal for relationships (not to mention the prospect of starting a family).
The relationship between a man and a woman has always been the subject of discussion by many scholars. Find information about various forms and types of relationships for everyone is not difficult.
Recently, social networks help us to determine the type of relationship ourselves, with our partner. All girls like to put some specific marital status on VK, but not all guys. Today we would like to talk about the marital status of Vk, about its types.
The situation is quite understandable when a guy does not realize that a girl has some feelings for him ... But the situation is completely incomprehensible when a girl herself cannot understand or decide with whom she is friends, with whom she is dating, engaged or marrying . A fairly typical situation is when female and male representatives do not want other people to know about their personal lives. This is done for two reasons. Either they do not want their lovers to understand that they are not the only ones, or they are so confident in themselves that they simply do not care what their loved ones think about their marital status. Marital status on VKontakte may look like this: married (single), married (not married), have a friend (girlfriend), meets with .., engaged (engaged), everything is complicated, everything is complicated with ..., in active search. So, no secrets! Let's consider everything in order.
- So, the marital status is “married / not married”, “married / not married”. With this marital status, everything is clear. loving friend other people decided to start a family and consolidate their relationship by marriage. After all, marriage is, in any case, always good (both for the spouses themselves and for the state). This marital status is always touching. But there are some funny stories here too. When you go to the page of some Wild Kitty, and see that she is married to some "Kid from the District." You look at their pages and with a smile on your face you understand that they are both schoolchildren, and moreover, they are in the eighth grade. Probably half of the married or married friends on VKontakte are just child's play. Well, maybe not half, but a quarter.
- As for the position "single (not married)" - this is, in principle, the same as in "active search", because, in this case, users do not indicate in any way that they have soulmates. And other users in social network consider them free. But maybe the situation is that “there is a friend, girlfriend”, with whom everything is difficult, and in order not to put the position “everything is difficult”, they put the position “not married (not married)”. Also an option.
- Let's go further! Marital status "has a friend (girlfriend)." This provision implies either that the couple has only the beginning of their relationship, or that they have no serious intentions for the future. Also, for some, this position means an open relationship. For everyone - his own.
- There is also a marital status "Meets with ...". A bit like with the position "there is a friend (girlfriend)". Only there is no open relationship.
- The marital status is "half (engaged)" - usually, this position is put by those couples who love each other, possibly live together, and who think about a joint future. Marriage in this case is either not considered at all, or the guy has already made an offer to his beloved and they will have a wedding soon.
- And the last - the marital status "everything is complicated (everything is complicated with ...)". This position is not always clear, since it is impossible to understand what a person has in his head. It is possible that the couple had a fight, and one of them decided in this way (by changing his marital status) to tell everyone about it. In general, we would not advise you to put such a marital status, why endure quarrels in public?
- Marital status "in active search". This marital status is mainly chosen by either those users who are confident in themselves, or, on the contrary, are very shy. When you put yourself in this position, be ready for new acquaintances, friendship proposals and everything else.