An uncleaned children's room, scattered toys, a mountain of dirty dishes and the general lack of independence of children sooner or later make mom and dad think about how to teach a child to help around the house. At what age and how should hard work be taught to children? Today we will share simple but effective tips from psychologists that will definitely help you raise a little helper.
Photo source: stylenew.cz
Children should be taught homework from an early age. Often, the baby does not even need to be asked - he himself seeks to wash the dishes, wash his pants and even help dad assemble furniture.
However, unfortunately, many parents annoyedly dismiss the curious child, believing that they can do it better and faster. But such short-sightedness can lead to the fact that a teenager will begin to refuse a request for help.
We teach children to help around the house from an early age
Psychologists advise assigning specific assignments to the younger generation, just make sure that they are really needed, and not invented for educational purposes. Yes, even two year old can perform simple tasks: bring mom a wallet, phone or gloves.
To What tasks can be entrusted to children at different ages?
For example, 3-4-year-old children are able to:
- put dolls and cars behind you;
- help in setting the table;
- dress with mother's help,
- wash and brush your teeth;
- wipe the dust in the children's room.
A 5-6 year old preschooler:
- put away clothes;
- put things in order in the nursery;
- spread and make the bed;
- look after for a while younger brother or sister;
- taking care of a pet (feeding and combing);
- arrange purchases.
A younger student at 7-9 years old can be entrusted with:
- wash dishes for yourself and your household;
- prepare simple meals (sandwich, muesli with milk);
- vacuuming;
- help parents and grandmother in the garden and in the country;
- walk the dog if it is not a very large breed;
- going to school under mother's control.
Do not be upset if you failed to instill a love of cleanliness in a three-year-old child. This can be done at senior preschool, and even at primary school age.
First of all, a child should be accustomed to household chores gradually, and scolding and punishing if he does something unimportantly is impossible in any case. After your criticism and because of the fear of making a new mistake, the baby may generally refuse any assignment.
What else should parents remember?
1. Do it together
Try not to dismiss children who offer their help. Do household chores together. Do not drive the baby out of the kitchen, let him take part in kneading the dough, cut the salad, set the table for dinner. Place a toy ironing board near an adult ironing board and let your daughter “stroke” next to you.
2. Do housework and interact with children
These two activities do not need to be separated. For example, when teaching a child to clean their room, tell a magical story about dolls or a teddy bear who is upset that they cannot find their box in which they go to bed after playing. Let your child help your favorite toy get to its habitat.
3. Don't forget to praise
There is a wonderful phrase that literally inspires both adults and young children. It sounds like this: "I can entrust this important work only to you." The kid, having heard how necessary and unique he is, will become even more thorough sweeping the floor, dusting or vacuuming the room.
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4. Remember to consider children's desires
In the important matter of accustoming a child to work, one should definitely pay attention to his preferences for a particular type of activity. So, some children like to wash dishes, others prefer to go to the store with their mother, and others prefer to work in the country.
To make your little one feel like an adult, make a list of tasks that are appropriate for their age and skills, and let them choose what they would like to do.
5. Make cleaning fun
It's no secret that an enterprising mother can turn even boring everyday chores into a fun activity. Invite your little one to be a bulldozer picking up trash or a taxi driver delivering dolls and cubs home.
A very small child will be able to turn into a chicken, "pecking" pieces of the mosaic scattered across the carpet. By the way, have you noticed that the vacuum cleaner looks like a hungry elephant, and the shoes resemble tired horses that need to be washed and cleaned?
Photo source: neuroinfantilgranada.com
6. Allow yourself to be wrong
At first, one should not expect high labor productivity. Kids will not be able to complete all your instructions properly the first time. You are waiting for broken plates, a dirty floor after a general cleaning, but you should not scold children for such negligence. Just be ready to redo for your little helper and explain how you can correct the mistakes made.
7. Be patient
Yes, you can complete the task much better and faster. However, one should not push, reproach for slowness, especially if a melancholic or phlegmatic grows up in the family. Allow the child to work at his own pace and make sure that he tries to bring the work he has begun to its logical conclusion. Otherwise, there is a high probability that the baby from early childhood will think that it is possible not to complete the task, to leave the task halfway.
8. Never punish with labor
If you punish your baby with household chores, he will perceive any of your assignments as a necessary evil, from which he will begin to shirk by any means.
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9. Don't pay for work done
Be wary of monetary rewards for studying and helping your family, otherwise you risk raising an egoist who is not capable of selfless support. If the children have done a good job and you want to encourage them, it is better to go to the cinema, circus, amusement park together.
Household duties are not a subject of bargaining, but exactly the same natural side of children's and teenage life as communication with peers and games.
10. Teach by Example
Parents should not expect their child to become industrious, clean and tidy if they themselves do not wash the plates after dinner, scatter their things around the room. When accustoming to order, forget about double standards. Do you want your kids to clean up after themselves? Demonstrate the right pattern of behavior!
Teaching a child to help around the house and do your errands is not as troublesome and difficult as it seems at first glance. In addition, parents themselves should become a worthy example and approach this issue with due attention and love. After all, young children like it when their beloved mothers spend a lot of time with them. So, even homework can be turned into an exciting and interesting game.
Do your children help around the house?
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The basis friendly family- competent distribution of roles, rights and responsibilities. How is that?
Is it normal if all household chores are on a woman, and a man only watches TV? Or is it right if they do everything together and equally: a husband and his wife cook food, wash floors and wash clothes? Or maybe all household chores should be on the husband, and the wife at this time takes care of herself, as in modern China? There is no one right answer for everyone here. The answers to this question largely depend on how you were brought up, what kind of environment you have, and what kind of relationships you have in your family. For example, there is a WE family and there is a I + I family, and in these different families the issue of the distribution of household chores and responsibilities is solved in their own way. In the WE family, the one who can and knows more has more responsibilities: he is happy to do it. In the I + I family, the one who is more interested in relationships, who is more dependent and who the other can load to a greater extent has a large family load ...
At the same time, it is wrong to think that household chores are only a load: it is also a matter of pride and great opportunities. The one who does little in the family can usually influence little. And the one who invests more in the family, the one in the family has more opportunities to influence, has more rights.
Elementary: whoever takes care of a child, he brings him up in his own way, for himself.
The three main guidelines for the distribution of family responsibilities are 1) individual preferences (who wants what more), 2) skills and abilities (whoever knows how to do what is better, he does it, and 3) benefit (we will entrust the child in the family with what it will be more useful for him to master for his future adult life).
Individual preferences are the simplest and most obvious. For example, someone likes washing dishes more than taking out the trash. And someone can easily grab this garbage on the way to work. It’s hard for a wife to go to the market for heavy purchases, but it’s fun for a man to warm up: he likes it and it’s useful.
At the same time, it has historically developed that men in the family, in principle, are more engaged in earning money, and women - in housekeeping. There is a certain sense in this: men and women differ from each other not only in appearance, but also in character and preferences. It is easier, more pleasant and more interesting for men to work and earn money. Women - raising children and establishing comfort. If that's the case for you, then you're all set. If something does not suit you in this distribution of roles, you can agree on a different distribution of tasks and responsibilities.
How to start discussing all these questions? Take the Family Agreement Questionnaire, it will be of great help to you. The questionnaire will contain questions not only on the distribution of family responsibilities, but also on how to better build relationships, how to resolve various difficult and controversial issues - and how we can live even more friendly.
And one more thing: maybe in family responsibilities we can see not only duties, but also amenities, and also remember for whom you perform them? First, for yourself. You sweep the floor to keep your feet comfortable. You earn money to spend on your own desires. Secondly, no one took you into slavery, no one points a gun at you and does not force you to do something for the benefit of your enemies. You perform your duties for loved ones, loved ones and dear people with whom you live. After all, any household chores are also a manifestation of love, but not at a “high”, but at a simple, everyday level.
If you remind your husband (or wife) of any family matters, it's best to do so with a supportive background. How? It's simple! For example, if your partner is responsible for vacuuming, then you can put a piece of paper on the “tool of labor” itself - a vacuum cleaner - with the words: “I love you! Thank you for the cleanliness that will soon be in our house! Admire and create a positive mood, even before you or your partner has started to do anything. After all, any duties become unloved when we present them as a long and tedious process. Compare those who do not like to wash dishes and do. The former, when they think about this activity, see a mountain of dirty dishes that they have to deal with. The second, just approaching the sink, imagine how clean and beautiful all these plates are on the shelf. The whole point is in an attractive and motivating picture, form it for yourself and your partner.
Well, it's always good to reward yourself for small and big domestic exploits. Most often, we expect praise and pleasant feedback from our partner. Yes, it is really important that the “soulmate” notices our efforts. But you also need to please yourself. Do not expect positive from others, but create a holiday yourself and invite others to it. What do we do for the holidays? We give postcards pleasant words and treats to each other. Celebrate even the smallest accomplishments! For example, “we have a cake today because I cleaned the apartment!”. Or write a list of reasons to celebrate - everyday things that you should do. And mark each of them with a tick and pleasant prizes. To some, this method will seem too simple and playful, not serious, but maybe it is more important in a family to be happy than very serious?
And if a man takes on the distribution of household chores and duties, then the most convenient thing for him is to compile a matrix of responsibility, where there will be a list of all household duties - and it is indicated who is involved in these matters (there is a letter U) and who is responsible for this (there is a letter O). You can see how such a matrix looks like, and if you want to make your own according to the model, and edit it to fit your tasks. I wish you success!
At 3-4 years old, all children love to help adults, after 2-3 years there are not so many mother's helpers, and by school age only a few do housework. Adults who do not accept the inept help of toddlers may later encounter a complete reluctance of adolescents not only to help around the house, but even to serve themselves.
What can a child of primary school age do at home?
Is it necessary or not to load schoolchildren with household chores? They have a lot of classes on mastering the school curriculum, an additional load -, classes of interest. Let the child fully experience a happy childhood. This is what parents think, convinced that their children may well grow up with everything ready, if only he had time to study well and have no problems in the team.
Naturally, children who do not have feasible household duties on the threshold school age, will not actively take up household chores. They should be taught to do this at 2-4 years old, and do it gently and unobtrusively. . Then I would have done a lot and gladly invested my work in family well-being.
What can 7-year-old children do around the house:
- Remove dust with a vacuum cleaner.
- Water the flowers at home and in the flower bed.
- Prepare simple meals.
- Collect your portfolio.
- Help mom hang up laundry after washing.
- Pull out the weeds in the garden.
- Sweep the yard.
- Taking out the trash.
- Warm up food in the microwave.
- Walk and feed a small dog.
- Clean up things, put things in order in the room.
- Leave cleanliness in these rooms after bathing and going to the toilet.
- Iron simple things.
- Get ready for bed and get ready for school in the morning.
- Clean your bike from dirt, make minor repairs to a two-wheeled friend.
- Tidy up in the closet with dishes and kitchen utensils.
- Set the table before dinner, serve non-hot dishes, bread, salad, sandwiches, clean up after yourself and family members after meals.
What an 8-year-old child can do:
- Keeping a desk, bookcase and other things in order.
- Preparing your own bath.
- Change of bed and underwear.
- The ability to repair your clothes, simple repairs.
- Form your image in clothes of your own free will.
- Help your father during the repair, performing simple tasks.
- Harvest in the garden.
- Feed and walk pets.
- Dust and vacuum furniture and floor coverings.
What a 9-year-old student can do:
- Prepare simple meals following a recipe.
- Paint a flat surface.
- Apply whitewash to trees in the garden.
- Bake potatoes or sausages on fire.
- Look after younger children (from 2 years old), be able to change their clothes and feed them.
- Clean pet cages.
- Tuck pillow into pillowcase and quilt into duvet cover.
- Loosen a narrow bed with a rake, weed it from weeds.
- Plant seeds of flowers and vegetables according to a given pattern.
- Make your bed.
What things can be entrusted to a 10-year-old child:
- Prepare simple pastries using the recipe.
- Prepare simple meals for the whole family, calculating the right amount of food.
- Put things in order in their own room and throughout the house, putting things in the place allotted for them.
- Plan weekly shopping with parents.
- Help your father with cleaning the interior of the car.
- Set the table.
- Prepare a bath for a younger child, help mom with a bath.
- Be able to turn on and off household appliances, pour powder into the washing machine.
- See where the mother or father needs help, connect without reminders.
- Help with the care of vegetables in the garden, for flowers near the house and on the windowsill.
- Participate in the general cleaning of the premises of the house or apartment.
Do not be afraid of this extensive list, no one plans to make Cinderellas out of children. Most of the things on this list need to be done sporadically, many with your parents.
It is important to offer only those things that the child can handle for sure. The main thing is not to forget about dosed praise, which can be a powerful incentive to participate in business.
How to teach a child independence?
It happens that parents state that their child lacks independence and realizes it too late. It is important to start learning to be independent long before entering school. when the baby strives for independence and tries his strengths. Then he is extremely interested in the world of adult things, and accustoming to work occurs spontaneously.
It is a bit late to start such work at school, but as the famous saying goes: "Better late than never."
The main incentive for those who work - a fair assessment of his work. Encouragement, praise, the words that without Tanya (Kolya, Vanya, Irina) it would not have been possible to cope are the best incentive. Do not manipulate the promise of money as payment for child labor, because then you would have to pay all family members.
Work is preceded by a discussion of what needs to be done. It is important to discuss all the nuances of the upcoming business so that the child avoids disappointment from a poor-quality work. Only after the new business is mastered, it is worth proceeding to the next assignment.
For forgetful children, hang a list of tasks in the children's room that parents hope to help with.
In the first days of completing assignments, a child can do something wrong, spoil a thing. In no case should you criticize him for this, it is better to tell me how to avoid mistakes in the future. Children must understand how to determine that the work is done well, to understand for themselves the criteria for this.
There is no need to demand high returns if children have an increased workload at school, for example, at the end school year. Have someone temporarily take over some of the homework. A little later, the child will definitely appreciate it.
Psychologist Daria Grankina writes:
“In fact, every child wants independence and independence from their parents from the age of three. And in no case should these tests be stopped. For example, children can endlessly dress or brush their teeth so that the whole bathroom is covered in paste, or wash dishes, and then they are all covered in foam. But they want to do it, it's interesting for them, it's an element of the game. Well, you need to be patient and silently, or better with approval, watch this. Then it is better to wash or clean up yourself. This is very important, because children must understand that there is joy in work and independence.
Moreover, the duty of parents is to teach the work and independence of their children. It is better to start by teaching you to appreciate the work of others. Food at school is prepared by someone and you can’t indulge in it, you can’t walk on clean floors without removable shoes, you can’t tear books and draw in them, etc., all this must be taught. In a child, and even a teenager, everything is educable. So you have to use it. Otherwise, we will get lazy and infantile young people. And laziness, alas, is the chief of all troubles and vices.
The mind of a child is very active, and if it is not busy with good and good things, then it is busy with bad things, this is inevitable. Not understanding why and how to work honestly, such children will then steal, beg and cheat in every possible way. Speaking about the reaction of parents, it should be positive and without ridicule. If the child took out the garbage or wiped the dust, then it is necessary to praise him, without pathetic words, but mark this event with an affectionate word.
Therefore, while the child is still able to listen and hear adults, it is necessary to teach him elementary things: make the bed in the morning, put away toys or textbooks, finish everything in the plate and then wash it, and preferably after mom and dad. Basically, take care of yourself. By accustoming a child to housework, you can consider that you have given him life skills and he will no longer be lost in this world.
What to expect from hardworking children?
Moms and dads, who taught their child to work without prodding, did not lose at all. Their children firmly know that they are full-fledged members of the family, without whose help neither mom nor dad can do.
Boys and girls who work around the house socialize faster in a new team for them . Not a single unexpected situation, when you have to rely only on yourself, will unsettle them. A child who knows how to cook his own food, who has self-service skills, who knows how to take care of clothes and shoes, is unlikely to become a consumer of the time and labor of others.
Segregation of duties
In today's changing society, children must become "partners" for parents and teachers. Many things can help in this difficult task: mutual respect; agreement of views; making decisions together; joint agreement on goals, rules or restrictions; granting certain rights and privileges.
Assuming responsibility can elevate a person both in their own eyes and in the perception of other people. As the child begins to understand the benefits of cooperation, he begins to perceive himself as a person who can help other people. It is best when the development of this side of the child's personality occurs in an evolutionary way, i.e. when a child becomes useful and needed in early age and he is expected to become even more self-reliant and independent over time.
Based on their own experience and life situations, adults can come up with many different tasks, completing which the child will make his own contribution to the common cause. Parents and teachers who understand that the child needs to be involved in the performance of some duties are sometimes at a loss, not knowing what to do and what to expect. The purpose of the article is to help them cope with this task.
To accustom the child to the performance of duties should be gradually. Install first trusting relationship, then in the course of a friendly conversation, an adult and a child can jointly determine the activity that will become the child's contribution to the family business.
When dividing responsibilities, an adult should keep the following principles in mind.
Children should not only have duties, but also rights. If these rights are deliberately or under the influence of a momentary mood violated by an adult, then this can cause a feeling of depression and revenge in a child, and he will resist any efforts to attract him to cooperation.
Children should be instructed about all kinds of work that needs to be done. After they choose some work with the help of adults, it is necessary to establish criteria for its quality and evaluate the work done together with the children. Give the child the opportunity to choose the work that he would like to do. (The "do nothing" alternative is not considered.) After that, he must follow his choice or there is a logical consequence of refusal. Discuss in advance the consequences of not following through on the assignment.
Set appropriate due dates for the task. The child will be more willing to complete the task if he is involved in making these deadlines.
Change orders. Doing the same task over and over again can get bored very easily. Children enjoy doing new or unusual work.
Rely on common sense when choosing the number of tasks assigned to the child. If he believes that he is being used, he can start a "sit-in".
Remember that you are a role model for your child. Do not expect accuracy and order from him if you yourself are not able to maintain them.
Check your criteria. Perhaps you strive for perfection in the care of your home or classroom, or feel uncomfortable at the slightest deviation from the routine, or you are overly concerned with what other people might think.
Learn to see your home or classroom simply as a place for family or class members to work and socialize, rather than as a reflection of your personal importance. Never, except in extreme cases, do for the child what he can do for himself.
Household chores for a 3 year old
Collect and put the toys in the appropriate place.
Put books and magazines on the shelf.
Take napkins, plates and cutlery to the table.
Dispose of leftover crumbs after meals. Clear your seat at the table.
Simple hygiene procedures: brush your teeth, wash and dry your hands and face, comb your hair.
Undress yourself, get dressed with some help.
Wipe away the traces of "childish surprise" behind you.
Transfer the package with products or a jar of canned food from the package to the desired shelf. Put things away on the bottom shelf.
Household chores for a four year old
Set the table, including good plates (with some help).
Help put away groceries.
Assist with grocery shopping under close supervision.
Feed your pets on a schedule. Help clean the garden and yard.
Help make and make the bed.
Help wash dishes or load the dishwasher (with some help). Wipe the dust off furniture. Spread butter on bread. Prepare cold breakfasts (cereals, etc.)
Help put food on plates at family dinners.
Help prepare a simple dessert (put a decoration on a cupcake, pour jam on top of ice cream, etc.)
Sharing toys with friends (polite practice).
Get mail out of the mailbox.
Let your parents know when you leave the house to play where you will be.
Play in the house without constant supervision of adults and without constant attention from them.
Hang socks, handkerchiefs on a low-hanging clothesline.
Help folding towels.
Household chores for a 5 year old
Help plan food preparation and grocery shopping.
Make your own sandwich or a simple breakfast and clean up after yourself.
Pour yourself a drink. Serve a dinner table. Chop lettuce.
Add, according to the recipe, some ingredients.
Make and make the bed and clean the room.
Get dressed and tidy up your own clothes.
Clean sink, toilet and bathroom.
Clean mirrors if they are low.
Sort laundry for washing. Put white clothes in one pile, colored clothes in another.
Fold clean linen and put it away.
To answer phone calls.
Help take care of the yard.
Pay for small purchases.
Help wash the car.
Help take out the trash.
Decide for yourself how to spend your part of the family money intended for entertainment. Feed your pet and clean up after him. Tie your own shoelaces.
Household Responsibilities of a 6-Year-Old Child (1st Grade)
Choose your own clothes for the weather or clothes appropriate for a particular occasion.
Vacuum the rugs.
Water flowers and plants.
Clean vegetables.
Prepare easy-to-cook food (hot dogs, boiled eggs, toast).
Collect your school lunch.
Help hang laundry on a clothesline.
Hang your clothes in the wardrobe.
Collect firewood for a fireplace, a fire.
Gather leaves with a rake and weed weeds.
Walk pets.
Tie the laces on your shoes.
Take responsibility for your minor wounds.
Help clean the interior of the car.
Tidy or clean the cutlery drawer.
Set (serve) the table.
Household Responsibilities of a Seven-Year-Old Child (2nd Grade)
Lubricate the bike and take care of it. Lock it in an appropriate place when not in use.
Receive phone messages and record them.
Wash the courtyard.
Be on parcels with parents.
Water the lawn.
Monitor bicycles and other toys or equipment in the yard.
Wash your dog or cat.
Train pets.
Carry groceries.
Getting up in the morning and going to bed at night without being reminded.
Be polite, courteous and respectful to others.
Carry money for breakfast to school on your own.
Leave the bathroom in proper condition, hang clean towels.
Iron simple things.
Household Responsibilities for an 8- and 9-Year-Old Child (3rd Grade)
Correctly fold napkins and lay out cutlery. Wash or scrub the floor.
Help rearrange furniture, help plan furniture placement. Fill your own bath. Help others (if they ask) in work. Organize your closets and drawers. Buy clothes and shoes for yourself with the help of your parents, choose clothes and shoes.
Change without a reminder dirty school clothes to clean.
Fold up blankets. Sew on buttons. Hang up the torn seams. Clean out the closet.
Clean up after animals in the yard or in the house. Start to get acquainted with recipes for cooking simple dishes and learn how to cook them. Cut flowers and prepare a flower vase. Gather fruits from trees.
Kindle Fire; cook everything you need for cooking on a fire (charcoal, food).
Paint the fence or shelves.
Write simple letters.
Write thank you cards.
Help defrost and clean the refrigerator.
Feed the baby.
Bathe younger sister or brothers.
Polish silverware, copper or bronze.
Clean up the courtyard. Polish the furniture in the living room.
Household Responsibilities for a Nine- and Ten-Year-Old Child (Grade 4)
Change bed linen and put dirty linen in a basket.
Know how to deal with washing machine and dryer.
Measure out laundry detergent and bleach.
Buy groceries from a list.
Cross the street on your own.
Come to appointments on your own (to the dentist, to school, etc., if it is within a bicycle ride distance).
Bake cookies from semi-finished products in boxes.
Prepare food for the family.
Get your mail and reply to it.
Prepare tea, coffee or juice, pour into cups. Make a visit.
Be able to provide basic first aid.
Wash the family car.
Plan your birthday and other parties. Learn to be thrifty and economical.
Household Responsibilities for a Ten- and Eleven-Year-Old Child (5th Grade)
Earn money on your own (for example, babysitting).
Don't be afraid to stay at home alone.
Manage some amount of money responsibly.
Know how to ride a city bus.
Responsible for personal hobbies.
Household Responsibilities for an Eleven- and Twelve-Year-Old Child (6th Grade)
Be able to take on leadership responsibilities outside the home.
Help put little brothers or sisters to bed.
Clean the pool and surrounding area.
Do your own work. Mow the lawn.
Help father with construction, crafts, and household chores.
Clean stove and oven.
Manage your own study time.
Responsible for press delivery.
Home duties of high school students
On school days, going to bed at a certain time (by mutual agreement of children and parents).
Take responsibility for cooking for the family.
Have an idea about healthy way life: eat healthy food, maintain correct weight get regular medical check-ups.
Anticipate the needs of others and take appropriate action.
Have realistic ideas about possibilities and limits.
Consistently implement the decisions made.
Show mutual respect, devotion and honesty in all respects.
Make as little money as possible.
Based on materials: Grunwald B., Macabi G. Family counseling. Moscow: Kogito-Centre, 2004.
Material of the magazine "Large family".
The family is a common thing, and everyone should contribute to it. The distribution of household chores among all family members is best discussed at a family council, with the obligatory participation of children.
- First, let's try to divide all responsibilities into permanent and temporary. For example, permanent - cleaning, washing dishes, laundry, walking the dog, etc. Temporary - general cleaning, repairs, window washing, etc.
- Now we distinguish from them specific male, female and children's duties. We determine the time spent on each, after that we can redistribute the scope of responsibilities. For example, let's unload mom by transferring some of the work to dad and children.
- Next, we allocate temporary and permanent assignments for the child (based on his capabilities, and sometimes desires).
If you, dear parents, think that a preschool child is still too small, that he does not have enough strength to help his mother around the house, then do not confuse three different things: 1) the child cannot cope with this or that business; 2) the child does not want to do your business and wants to do what he is interested in; 3) you just feel sorry for the child. In translation: your child has learned to manipulate you and skillfully makes you feel uncomfortable and sorry for him when you pester him with what he does not need.
In summary: our children can and should have their own family responsibilities. The girl must work - it will come in handy in life. How to fix this distribution and where to put it for all to see is a matter of your imagination and ingenuity. You can do it together, or you can entrust the child.
How to include a child in household chores?
How? Firstly, it is wrong to raise the question "How to interest a child in household chores?" - on one interest of the child you will not solve this issue. In addition to desire, there are responsibilities, and the child should be introduced to this. Another thing is that there is no need to present household duties as flour, heaviness and trouble. It's just something that comes naturally.
Sometimes such a question is appropriate for children: "And who should go to the pharmacy (to the store), vacuum the floors? Mom? Why do you think that she needs to do this? You seem to be more free?" In short, forward - march!
The three main roles that parents can play to introduce their children to household chores are the roles of the Inspiring Ducky, the Power Man and the Tactician.
Reminder system
It happens that the child simply forgets about his duties. He honestly forgets, he is really upset that he forgot - but he forgets. Here you need a system, and you can use a variety of techniques. The child will choose the way that suits him. It is convenient for an older child to use a table-calendar, in which household chores are indicated in advance and there is a place to mark: done - not done. You can make a large drawing of a tree with unpainted leaves. Each time, having done some work, the kid can paint over one leaf (starting from the bottom), gradually the whole tree will “turn green”, and the responsible performer will receive some kind of prize.
For preschoolers and younger students, it can be advised to make a large daisy out of thick paper with a separately cut out core and several petals. On each petal, write one type of homework, interesting and useful activities etc. (or make drawings). For example: washing dishes, cleaning the room, shopping for groceries, laundry, helping to prepare dinner, completing all lessons on time, morning exercises, reading, needlework, playing sports, etc.
Having done one of the above, the child himself attaches the corresponding petals to the core of the chamomile during the day. Both he and his parents can immediately see what was done during the day. If there are two (or more) children in a family, then everyone makes their own chamomile. You can even arrange family competitions, whose chamomile has more petals in the evening. It is necessary to note not only the quantity of cases, but also the quality of their implementation.
It is clear that there are important circumstances and someone does not have time to do their part of the work: here it is not necessary to swear right away, at first you can help, but sort it out later and kindly. If it is possible to formulate something softly, as a request, it is better to formulate it this way: instead of “you should” - “could you?”. Or: "I wonder if you can ..?". Instead of “do it” - “I really need your help”, etc. However, it is useful to remember the principle of “an iron hand in a velvet glove” and, if necessary, do not forget that it is not you who should remind the child of his affairs and persuade him, but this his duty. Everything is grown-up.
Rewards and punishments
A very important question is about rewards and punishments for work done or not done. Some parents believe that there is no need to specifically encourage them to perform everyday duties. All family members have obligations, but no one gives gifts to adults for washed linen or a cleaned carpet. But do not forget: when a person is just starting to develop a new skill, he really needs support and recognition. In what form it is better to do this - depends on the inclinations of the child and on your capabilities. You can praise, give small gifts from time to time, pay more attention to the child (after all, by helping, he saved your time), etc.
Is it worth paying for help around the house? It is possible that in some cases a child or teenager can be encouraged with money. For example, if he helped in a lengthy repair or independently mastered and completed some difficult work. And as for the payment of permanent duties ... The consequences may be undesirable.
Many children are happy to help around the house until a certain age. And then the problem of household chores can get up with a new urgency. For example, when a child becomes a teenager.
What if the child does not clean his room? - see the mess in the child's room
If the obligation is presented as a status, the child may gladly take on additional work. Tatyana Rozova writes:
The daughter began to refuse to drink water in the morning and began to demand compote. I tried to approach from different angles. None. Then I called her and we had such a conversation: “Katya, why do you think mom wants you to drink water in the morning? Mom wants you to be healthy. And my mother herself forgets to drink water. And she wants you to remind her. Can you handle it?" Kate said she'd be fine. And I appointed her responsible for my and my mother's health. I don’t know how it will go on, but for two weeks now Katya has been running to me every morning shouting: “Mom, mom, we urgently go to drink water !!!” So for now it works!